my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
