I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
