If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
