i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
