Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
