My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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