The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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