You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
