I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
