Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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