My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
