Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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