conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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