I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
