So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
