the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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