Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
