i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
where are my eyebrows?
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