Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
