so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
