I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
