Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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