i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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