i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
