ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
