And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
