I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
