before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
