Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
