Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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