i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
