I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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