we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just pee around me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
