do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
