Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
