I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want a musical about memes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
