I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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