I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
be right there i have to get my cape
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
