then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
