Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
