I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
