you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
