That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
