**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
