Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What a dumb baby whore.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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