some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
