Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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