is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
