Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
