Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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