Whod you bang
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
