i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
