Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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