then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
