we have pet lesbian snakes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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