I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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